Green Eggs and Ham
by Angellious79
Summary: In where a new student transfers into Grand Line High and Sanji is acting in his usual bastard-like manner. Rated T for swearing.
1. Chapter 1

Sanji Black strolled into class.

 _Ever the chivalrous image, a sexy playboy, a lady's man_ …with huge egg shaped bumps on his head that seemed to be steaming…

He went to his desk emitting an aura that made others around him miserable. Flopping down with a melodramatic moan, he slumped down and put his head in his hands. A hand descended on his shoulder.

"Feeling all right, Sanji?" Ussop was his cowardly best friend. He had dark curly hair with a nose unrivaled by anyone they had ever met. Along with the most ridiculous lies that mankind had yet to make.

"Shitty old geezer…"

Ussop winced sympathetically.

"Again? What did you do this time?" he asked. Sanji grumbled and seemed to wilt down in his chair even more, if that was even possible…

"-…" Sanji muttered. Ussop leaned closer.

"What?"

"I said, I woke up late!" Sanji shouted. Ussop moved back.

"Ow, ow, ow! You don't need to be that loud! But anyways, he does stuff like this every day! This sounds cruel…but you should have gotten used to it by now…"

"You don't know the agonizing feeling of having your brain cells bashed out of your brain. You'll know it-the absolute _pain_ of having a prosthetic leg crash into your head. I see it every day. The stars!" Sanji moaned.

Ussop was about to reply when their teacher walked in. Her name was Nico Robin, a mysterious person who had one of the most scariest auras that could force the nastiest delinquents into submission. She was pretty, though. And smart.

"Could everyone please pay attention? Good morning, class."

The students grew silent.

"We have two new students in our class today."

The class was waiting in silent anticipation. Were the new students hot?

"You can come in now, Nami and Zoro."

The door opened. Footsteps sounded.


	2. To my dear readers

**To my readers:**

 **Sorry to keep you waiting! This is not a new update D;**

 **This is currently being written on my friends' computer…**

 **Truth is, my laptop broke when I was working on chapters 2 and 3.**

 **I had to take it to a tech to see if I could write any more on it. They are currently working on the problem, but without a computer, I cannot update any more chapters!**

 **It'll probably take about 1 or 2 weeks to fix, but if it does not come by this time, I will make sure to send you an update one way or another.**

 **I'm reallysorrytokeepyouwaitingI'llmakethesecondchapterasexcitingasIcanmakedowith…..**

 **I plan on making this story SanjixZoro, not ZoroxSanji…**

 **Sorry to disappoint you!**

 **Ihavetogonowsorrybye**

 **So please wait about 1 or 2 more weeks, and if I don't send any by then, I'm sorry…**

 **(I miss my laptop so much…)**

 **Angellious79 (who is currently breaking down in tears as she goes home)**


	3. Chapter 2

**Oh. My. Gosh….**

 **Since my laptop repair will apparently take 10 billiontrilliongazillion years, this will have to suffice for now, my dear readers. This is currently being done on my** _ **parent's computer**_ **, (ohmygoshiamspeedspeedspeedtyping) so this chapter will be short, and may not satisfy some of my readers. (I'msorrystupidcomputersstupidlifestupiddata) Therefore, when I actually get my computer back, I will proceed to satisfy you with a large, heartwarming, HUMONGOUS chunk of story.**

 **But I don't think you'll like scrolling past all these apologies, (again, SORRY) so now I will proceed onto the story.**

 **After I finish replying to the reviews. (tomfoolery)**

 **killerjoe: Thank you! I like Zoro and Sanji too, which is why I am shipping them right now. But after I finish this story, I probably won't make more about them until much later. I am coming up with a new plot for an adventure story for One Piece, so I probably won't return to ZoSan or SanZo until later…but I'll try to make this story as entertaining for you as possible!**

 **Guest: Thank you! I hope that when this story ends, it'll be a great fanfic that all of you have enjoyed.**

 **Guest (I actually don't know if this is a second reviewer or the same one from before but whatever): Um, actually, this story is going to be about SanZo, not ZoSan…** **I hope you won't be too disappointed…I might make a ZoSan fanfic later though! (though much, much later) Even if this fanfic isn't about ZoSan, I still hope that you can continue to enjoy this fanfic. Thanks for reviewing!**

 **hobo: This is my update. I appreciate your review, and thanks for reviewing!**

 **zosan to an unhealthy level: I know right? *wiggles eyebrows intensely***

 **I should**

 **/totally**

 **/continue**

 **/this fanfic**

 ***explodes with you***

 **Guest: I'm sorryyyyyyy! I really am! For my computer to be breaking down and for me to keep you guys waiting like this…*sob sob***

 **Yeah, I'll try to get my computer back as soon as possible, so please bear with me.**

 **Now, ladies and gentlemen….ON WITH THE SHOW!**

The door opened. Two footsteps sounded, and two students walked in. The student's jaws dropped.

The first student who walked in had the face of an angel- big, brown eyes, tangerine hair, a cute button nose. Sanji's heart stopped- for a moment, then his heartbeat soared, beating as fast as machine-gun fire. He imagined himself being tossed into a fiery inferno by those melting chocolate orbs, stranding him unto an island by that luscious *EXPLETIVE DELETED*

" _Sanji. Hey, don't collapse on me now. You've got to make it! Sanji, you're my buddy! Don't diiiieeeee-"_

Sanji snapped out of his daydream. Ussop was whispering frantically into his ears. His face was comically streaked with tears as he watched his best friend awake.

"Wha- where was I-?"

Where were they? Oh yes, the new transfer students. The beautiful lady that had graced his presence by walking into the classroom. Next to her was-

His mind was cleared instantly, and his purified eyes were soaked with acid. _Poisonous_ acid.

 _What…was…that…?_

His expectations of a normal new student were not fulfilled. No, it was more like they had been tossed down the drain and cut up by rabid wolves. Oh my _gosh_. He wished that any other student could come in here and replace that…that abomination of _life. It didn't even matter if it was a boy,_ he just wanted another normal transfer student.

It was the first time he had ever said, or thought of something like that in his measly life. The life which seemed like a paradise compared to this guy.

The new transfer student really belonged in the category of measly, pathetic, trash of the world, you know these words. However…

No, none of these words could even come close to describing him. He was _gross._

The uniform the new transfer was wearing was mutilated up to the point where a high-grade iron could not take care of them. Seriously, it looked like no one could use them.

His jacket was way too large, hanging off the student even with his tall stature. His sleeves dangled down limply and went far past his arms and down into his hips. The white shirt was carelessly tucked in, half hanging off the student and equally as rumpled as any of the other clothing.

And his pants.

 _Oh God, those pants._

They were too short and tight, clinging onto the man and adding to a sight the class did _not_ want to see. The shoes were neat and black, a check of approval in a sea of wrinkles and tight pants.

But those socks. The very sight of them made Sanji groan internally and massage the bridge of his nose. He had a headache raging in his head right now.

…Knitted tie dye? Who wore those kinds of socks nowadays? Was the new student aiming to become a potential target for bullies? The huge headache that Sanji was sporting turned even more painful.

The clothing (were they even considered clothing anymore?), garish socks, supremely unappealing hairstyle, and grandma bottlenose glasses made Sanji's day. In a very bad way.

Wasn't any normal (oh wait, that definitely did not apply to the boy) student supposed to dress up nicely for their first day of school?

Sanji looked away, unwilling to see this pitiable, sorry excuse of a boy standing in front of him. He saw his other classmates try to do the same.

"Please go ahead and introduce yourselves."

Mrs. Nico's voice tore Sanji away from his…daydream? No, more like a nightmare. But she was smiling at the green haired transfer student. _No, Mrs. Nico, don't smile at the transfer student, smile at me!_ Sanji wanted to say.

The orange haired girl stepped up and introduced herself with a confident air in her tone.

"My name is Nami Scarlet. It's nice to meet you guys, please take care of me."

The nerd boy (for that was what Sanji had officially dubbed him) introduced himself when the orange haired girl was done talking.

"My name is Zoro. I like taking naps, practicing my kendo, and studying. Please take care of me."

Ah, a nerd. A bully magnet had waltzed himself into their class. Sanji's lips curled slightly.

He felt sorry for that poor bastard. He might have the worst fashion sense in the world and the nerve to stand next to his _Nami-Swaaan,_ but in Grand Line High School, the unpopular were thrown to the sharks- in other words, they were massacred by the bullies.

He didn't want to be like that pitiful, pitiful spectacle standing in front of him. Sanji resolved to get manlier.

"Nami, you can sit there, in that seat. Zoro, you may sit beside Sanji, the yellow haired student."

Wait, why was he sitting next to him?!

But those were to become the least of Sanji's worries soon.

Just as Zoro had walked over to his seat and began to sit down, a great rumbling shook the floor. The students paused and looked around confusedly. Earthquake?

As he heard this sound, Zoro stood frozen like he had been turned into a statue.

"- _oroooooo…"_

"… _Zo-"_

" _Zoroooooo….!"_

The classroom door opened-no, more like erupted forth once more, and two students tripped over each other trying to get through the door and fell into the classroom. Both were dark haired, but one had messy, tousled hair and the other had wavy hair parted in the middle of his forehead.

"Ouch, Luffy, stop kicking my- OOF!"

"You were the one who tripped over me, Ace!"

"No…I'm pretty sure that YOU tripped over MY feet."

"No fair! Ace is being a meanie…"

As the conversation ensued, a certain moss-haired student's tanned skin grew paler until he was practically white as a ghost. He was frantically searching for doors, secret rooms, anything to escape from them.

' _Shit. How did they come so fast?!'_ This stress couldn't be good for him. He couldn't let them attack him while there was no escape…most likely this was Shank's fault. _That damn bastard..._

He softly cussed under his breath.

At this noise, the two raven haired boys' gazes snapped onto him. Their heads whirled around abruptly. Zoro paled even further, if that was even possible.

The class was really having a field day today.

With 2 pairs of eyes looking at him, one full of tears and one perverted, Zoro found himself edging backwards, towards the walls, away from them. He had to stall them first before they tried to jump on him.

"Um…hey, guys! What's up? It's been a long time since we last saw each other, hu- NO. STOP MOVING CLOSER- I'LL DO SOMETHING VERY PAINFUL TO YOU IF-."

Of course they didn't listen to him.

"ZOROOOOOOOO!" Luffy bawled as he tackled Zoro. They went flying across, and landed onto the floor in a mess of tangled limbs, Zoro landing underneath Luffy. Some students visibly winced.

Ace needed no further incentive and joined the tangle of limbs, comically flattening Zoro who was gasping for breath by now.

"Hi, Ace. Long time no see, Luffy. Now will you PLEASE GET THE FUCK OFF ME SO I CAN BREATHE AND LIVE AT LEAST TODAY-"

Suddenly, Ace got a wicked glint in his eyes. He took hold of Zoro's hand and pulled him up gently.

Zoro had a foreboding feeling about this.

As soon as Zoro had sat up, Ace pulled himself into Zoro's lap. Before Zoro could react, Ace leaned forward and kissed him.

On the lips.

The class's jaws were somewhere in Antarctica. Some choked. Some even fainted on the spot.

Portgas D. Ace and Monkey D. Luffy were up-and-coming models in the famous Grand Line Agency, a modeling company established by Moby Corps and co-established with Dragon Industries. This agency produced contracts with only the best, and Ace and Luffy were rising fast within the modeling world.

They were _the_ popular students at school. Luffy got bad grades, but his innocent personality and strangely magnetic qualities that made everyone smile around him made older students fuss over him and younger students to squeal over his cuteness. Ace was the sexy brother who wasn't considered _cute_ but _hot._ He was the one who flirted with a lot of people, causing scandals everywhere- although people didn't mind. He made up for all of it- because he was hot.

And right now, Ace was sucking on the face of the transfer student.

WHAT THE FUCK.

"No fair, Ace! I want a kiss from Zoro too!" Luffy pouted.

As for Luffy, no sexual adventures had ever surrounded him. He was so innocent. Or so they believed.

WHAT…WHAT…JUST…

Luffy was gay?!  
The class was just hurdling through so many surprises today.

Finally returning to the world of reality, Zoro shoved Ace off him. He wiped remaining saliva off on his humongous sleeves.

"Why are you in my classroom? I have to study here. STUDY. What the fuck are you trying to do?"

Ace just pasted on his puppy dog face.

"But you just came home, Zoro! The least you could do is give me a welcoming kiss…"

"You just stole it. Leave with Luffy, please."

"But I want another kiss from you! One that you initiate."

"Awww, NO FAIR! Zoro, I want two kisses too…"

"Ahh, shut up, Luffy. You're still not a man yet."

"YES I AM!"

Luffy turned watery eyes to Zoro, his face already in the cute puppy face pout that he had mastered over the years.

"Right, Zoro?"

Ace snorted. Zoro did too, though inwardly.

As the two continued arguing, Zoro felt an incoming headache taking place in his brain. His eyebrows started to twitch.

He thought that he had already gotten rid of that twitch. But now that these idiots were in his radar, it started acting up again. After 2 long years of rest, it had finally made a comeback.

"Ace. Luffy." Zoro growled.

He started emitting a death aura to both of them. It nearly beat the fearsomeness of Robin-sensei's aura. This would be the first-and last- warning he would give to these numbskulls. If they didn't stop arguing about who would get his _kiss,_ he seriously was going to murder them.

Sanji was surprised. Understatement of the year, he was confounded. Bamboozled, baffled, befuddled, muddled-

How could a geek like Zoro put up such an intimidating aura like that? Why were the most popular kids in school arguing over his kiss? Who was the enigma who was Zoro?

He knew instinctively that Zoro would actually do as he promised. There were some things people couldn't fake.

He saw his darling Nami-swan at the door. She was watching all of this in silence, her lips slightly open, but had a sort of expression that said _'I knew this was going to happen'_

Her eyes had narrowed when Luffy said that he wanted Zoro's kiss.

Robin-sensei had appeared beside Ace and Luffy. She was emitting an aura that made even Zoro quake as he stared at her.

"Mr. Portgas, Mr. Monkey, you are disturbing our class right now. Please leave before you cause any more trouble."

The two had whined and complained, but subsided when Zoro had promised to meet with the two at lunch. Then they had left, once again smiling.

The only evidence that showed that they had been there was a class, frozen like statues. You could hear a pin drop onto the floor.

Zoro sighed deeply, then got up and walked to his desk. He wanted to pretend that none of this had ever happened, but the class would never forget what had happened that day.

Throughout the rest of class, Zoro felt burning stares sear into his body.

 **Once again, I really am so sorry for the waiting all of you guys had to endure. Please review, and I will respond to the comments as soon as I can get my laptop back!**

 **Please anticipate Chapter 3, and I will see you again! (Once again, please don't expect another update soon, because I only have so much time to type this all out. It took me a month to write all of this on my friend's computer, because I can't visit my friend often)**

 **Angellious79**


	4. Poll Update

**TO ANY THAT ARE READING: THIS IS NOT A NEW CHAPTER! (THERE WILL BE A NEW ONE THOUGH)**

 **To my dear readers: Hello! Angellious97 is here, reporting live on duty! You've probably read the sentence in all caps, and you're probably cursing me out right now as I beat myself on the head with you guys also (such a nice day). I'm always, of course, very thankful to my reviewers. Although I can't respond to them right now, I can tell you that I'm really glad that I at least received some. So my story isn't** _ **that**_ **weird.**

 **To get to the point of this whole update: I'm pondering on what you want me to write this story on: SanZo, or AceZo? I'll probably want to do SanZo, but I'm just unsure about what my readers want. I opened up a poll where anyone can vote. You'll be able to see the poll after it is closed. I'll write the story on the couple that gets the most ratings. Thank you to the people who actually read to the end of this!**

 **P.S Chapter 3 is coming up. I hope you'll anticipate it!**

 **And you can start punching me mentally about…now!**

 **Thank you, and I'll be back!**

 **Angellious97**


	5. Chapter 3 (sorry it's taking so long)

**Hi guys! Wassup? Angellious97 here!**

 **Sorry it took so long for me to update, there were a lot of things going on and now I'm finally able to update this chapter. Um, really, I'll try to update things more quickly from now on, but I can't make any guarantees. (my laptop has been stolen by the techs (theystillcan'tfixit))**

 **I made a poll for this story that was available in my profile. I officially announce that this story will be based on SanZo and maybe other couples. Thank you to the people who voted in that poll, and I hope that most of you will be satisfied with the outcome in this story!**

 **To my beautiful, absolutely wonderful reviewers:**

 **Kathi1225: Thank you for reviewing, and I totally agree with you. I'll try to get my laptop back as fast as I can, so please anticipate the upcoming chapters!**

 **kaguraaa: Thank you! Unfortunately, I'm not really fluent with Spanish, but I'll really try to respond to your reviews the best I can! Continue to read this story and I'll try to respond back to you in Spanish. ;)**

 **zosan to an unhealthy level: Yeah, I'll try to continue this story and make it as good as I can! Ah, Sanji is domming in this fanfic. Sorry if it disappoints you, I might make a ZoSan fanfic later. Thank you for reviewing!**

 **kaguraaa: Thank you for reviewing for every update! I really appreciate it! Your view on the pairings in the story are views I can respect. I hope you review again soon!**

 **guess who: Both of your reviews showed up! I really appreciate your reviews for my story. Um, there was a similar fanfic to this that was made years ago. The idea for this story is based on that and other things, but this story's plot will be different than the fanfic (I think) you're talking about. I'm sorry for worrying you, and I hope that you'll enjoy this fanfic and its plot.**

 **Guest: Yes, I'm planning on making this story on SanZo. It wasn't a good idea to set that poll up, but I thought that my readers for this story would appreciate having a choice for my story. I set up the poll because I had some doubts about this story, but I admit it was a stupid idea to set up the poll. If you want to see the poll results, they are posted on my account page!**

 **Kathi1123: Yeah, there are a lot of rare Zoro pairings that haven't really been written about. I really do like SanZo, and I hope you like this fanfic!**

 **P.S The poll will be closed this week, very soon.**

Zoro sensed the stares of his classmates on his back, their gazes boring into him until he could almost feel the whispers and occasional glares, Electric currents were running down his spine because of the uncomfortable feelings that he got. Ugh, this is why he didn't want to transfer into this school. He knew that the idiots would inevitably come in and ruin his day like this. The letters written on the blackboard were hard to see with his blurry glasses. And his wig felt uncomfortable on his head. It was a good thing that he knew that something like this would happen. He had fastened his wig on securely beforehand. An elephant could crash into his wig and nothing would happen- to the wig, anyways.

 _Damn it, Ace, Luffy._ They weren't supposed to burst into the classroom like that. He had hoped that they would realize that he was in their school as a new student later. Preferably at a time where no one could notice them. His plan had backfired.

Zoro gripped his pencil harder, scrawling down notes that Mrs. Nico was writing down on the blackboard. He wanted to hope that the class would slowly forget about this incident and would settle down. But he already knew that gossip about him would spread around the school- and that he would be the center of it. He was going to throw those idiots into a lake and watch them drown. Then throw them into an incinerator. It wasn't like gossip was going to kill him, though. He was just going to have to deal with all this shit and come out unscathed. He hoped. He glanced at Nami, who mouthed at him, ' _just ignore them.'_

When class finally ended, he practically threw his supplies and pencil case into his bag, then ran the hell for the door, ignoring any calls that were sent after him. School gossip would spread fast, but he probably wouldn't be bothered by the students until lunch. Anyways, he would have to beat up those 2 idiots at that time anyways.

Two periods passed, and then it was time for lunch.

By then, the gossip had completely spread, and when Zoro stepped into the cafeteria, all eyes were on him, whispering, shooting sharp little arrows of contempt his way.

"His outfit is an utter…"

"Bleurgh..look at his glasses! Look at his hair!"

"Why are Luffy and Ace sempai so interested in him?"

"I heard that Ace-sempai kissed him in the classroom!"

"WHAT? A total piece of trash like him?"

"I know, right?! Why not me?!"

He gritted his teeth and moved on.

Then he heard the crashing sound of a small earthquake behind him. _He knew that sound._

He only had so much time to freeze and start to run away when he felt two pair of hands latch onto him.

He only had time to swear as he was glomped from the back, sending him soaring then crashing down to the floor of the cafeteria.

" _You little bas-OOOMPH!"_

Well, at least the comments stopped.

A heavy silence had fallen over the cafeteria. Every eye was pinned onto the pair that had tackled the new transfer student- and the new transfer student himself lying on the floor, face slowly turning red as Ace and Luffy clutched onto him tighter, grinning like maniacs.

"GET THE HELL OFF ME, YOU BASTARDS!"

"Awww, but Zoroooo, we really really missed you!" Luffy pouted while he was hugging Zoro for all he was worth. Zoro was slowly turning different shades.

"Like you were going to get away from us anyways." Ace smirked while he was sitting on Zoro's back.

And meanwhile, Sanji and Ussop were dealing with all the _shit_ they were dealing starting this morning. Really, it was surprising that they hadn't died of cardiac arrest already.

Nami was in the corner of the cafeteria, looking dryly at the heap of limbs sprawled onto the floor with her astonished friends. Really, she knew this was going to happen. She wasn't surprised. At all. She was tempted to go over to the middle of the cafeteria and teach them all a lesson. But she had friends to make, things to do. She would go to them later. Ace and Luffy were probably going to take Zoro somewhere else anyways.

Surprisingly, Sanji thought, Nami-swan didn't look that surprised.

Ace and Luffy, at this point, had been ignoring all the people staring at them and dragged Zoro up. They then shot out of the cafeteria, and promptly grabbed each of Zoro's hands and ran to the roof. Nami followed them, walking at a leisurely pace.

Zoro was still spluttering.

When they reached the roof, he tore his hands away from theirs and immediately gave them a big punch on the head. His blue complexion quickly turned to red.

"You _little bastards-do you want to di-"_

Ace and Luffy quickly backtracked.

"Well, would you have preferred to eat lunch in the cafeteria with everyone staring at you?"

" _ZOROOO- BUT WE MISSED YOUUU~"_

"What you did just made everything worse! People will have more to talk about now that you _tackled me in the cafeteria-"_

"Touché." They turned.

As they saw their orange haired friend standing near the entrance, Luffy's eyes started to water, and Ace gave her a friendly smirk.

"It's been a long time, Ace, Luffy. You guys haven't changed at all."

"NAMI! I MISSED YOU~" Luffy leapt over to her with rivers of tears streaming from his eyes.

"Oh, yo, Nami!" Ace casually greeted her with a wave, but his eyes were still roaming over Zoro- _his_ Zoro.

"Ace, would you stop ogling over Zoro every time you see him? Luffy, I see you're still every bit of that idiot you've always been."

"Missed you too, Nami!"

"Anyways, why are you here?" Zoro asked.

"You made such a scene in the cafeteria, it's too chaotic in there right now. Would you mind playing your gay act somewhere else that's not so public?"

"It's not my fault. It's these two moron's lack of ability to think."

"Zoro! That's mean…"

"Hey, it's all because of our love for you, dear Zoro~"

"DO YOU WANT TO DIE, YOU BAST-"

"Calm down, Zoro. It's not like killing him will help, anyways."

"Yes it will. _Yes it will."_

Zoro was fuming by now. (Make the conversation a bit longer)

He really wanted to clobber these two up. But if he did…Nami would probably start to punch him for being so stupid (which he wasn't, only she seemed to think so). So he settled for an annoyed sigh instead.

"You shouldn't have caused a commotion. Now I'll have to deal with the rest of the class staring at my back every time I try to breathe."

"Sorry, Zoro!" Luffy said, without a hint of sincerity entering his voice.

Zoro hung his head. Somehow, Luffy apologizing just made everything worse. He grumbled silently.

"Hey, Zoro." Ace said without preamble. He suddenly had an infuriated expression on his face. His eyes were shadowed by his locks of hair hanging over his eyes.

"We heard what happened with Saga."

 **This is a really short update, and some of you might be angry with me for not updating for, like, half a year. I apologize for any frustrations you might have experienced with the dreadful slowness of this update…finals are coming up and I'm not prepared for any of them.**

 **Good news is that there's going to be a chapter after this very soon, because this is a really brief chapter. Yeah…I don't think you'll have to wait that long now. Pretty soon I think I'll start to write omakes for every chapter!**

 **Angellious79**


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